When I was about 10, I met a girl through my family’s church association who would grow to mean alot to me. For decades, I called her one of my two best friends.

To me, she met the definition because I enjoyed how and what we did together. It appeared, to me, that we had similar interests and outlook. We could talk, about anything, and our shared understanding was immediate. I thought she enjoyed my company, and most of the children I met at school did not. So, though we lived a few miles apart in different states I began to choose her company as frequently as life allowed.

Many decades later, I would discover that everything about how I assigned human value to her was a mirage. She became apparently so able to summarily discard me. So deep was the devaluing that it created pain in me and so profound was the pain that I, for my own emotional survival, had to completely extract from all association with her.

So much is said in our society about the importance of human connection. Seniors especially are constantly being reminded that relationships are what generate both physiological health and longevity. But, people fail one another. They use each other, sometimes without even realizing this is happening. One becomes surrogate for the one missing in another’s realm; he or she appears to be giving to another when, in actuality, that one is being treated as a mere convenience – a seat filler, or place holder – while the first awaits the appearance of the object of their true affections. In our own most authentic moments, we are forced to admit that we have done this ourselves to those who likely care very much for us.

There is so much about the life we have been given to live that remains a mystery, even into old age when one would expect to have achieved insight and wisdom. At any moment, pain is possible. So is joy, even if purely imagined.

Though I am well past the age of 10 now, I hope that my own life can bring grace and hope to even one other person. Ideally, that person will be someone for whom I feel love. But, such a convergence is both rare, and precious. So often, I have observed others experiencing this gift instead of myself, and continue to wonder why. I witness and recognize two people loving each other equally, so I know it to be possible; but, more often, I see inequities and have only experienced these, personally. Perhaps my own structural misalignment predilects me toward imbalanced relationships. Could there be a lesson inherent in these, I wonder? if so, God teach me.

Be good to yourself, first. To me, this means getting out of bed each day and asking your body and mind what you can do to self nourish. Most importantly, do this without adding another actor to the scene. Become your own best friend. There just might be joy, in your relationship – with yourself.

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Copyright 3/9/2025 Ruth Ann Scanzillo littlebarefeetblog.com All rights those of the author, whose name appears above this line. Thank you for respecting original material.

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