Quiet Men.

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I like quiet men.

But, there are three kinds.


The Shy Boy.

Men who began their lives hiding behind their mother’s skirts (those who wore them full and fluffy, below the knee), are keenly observant but hesitant to make any version of a bold statement. As men, their actions do the talking, and are manifest in a self-possessed confidence which is, at heart, un-self conscious. To them, a woman is a source of fascination, much like their mothers were from the first moment. These are men who possess either an innate or finely cultivated ability to recognize and appreciate every detail about a woman’s body and mind. They look, long to touch, and the restraint they express makes a woman feel secure in their company.

Were they to speak or act suddenly, their fear is that the woman will turn away. And, since they are almost content to simply admire from afar, they provide by their silence the space for a woman, in turn, to fully express.

The Snake.

Some boys learn early on that they possess attributes which are considered commodities. Should those in their sphere laud such traits, fuss over them, make public commendations regarding their value, they develop a certain, smug self-satisfaction. Whether these features be physical or mental or even social in nature, the men who bear them enter a scene assuming that others will recognize both their presence and the prize they offer. For this cause, with the exception of those with comic ability they rarely develop social skills which garner attention, even if they seek any; content to simply appear, they are confident that what they both want and need will come to them, and that without effort. When it does, they take what comes, giving little in return; when it doesn’t, they often opt to drink heavily or simply leave the room.

Such men, while known to most everyone because of their persistent presence, can put some women off, as their lack of effort to engage others in anything but the most perfunctory, even slick dialogue comes across as self interest.

The Spy.

This man is quiet because he holds secrets. His own actions, either past or present, dictate his social behavior, setting limits. His demeanor is usually gentle, pleasant, even warm, but he reveals little. When prodded, he changes the subject. Such a man may be hiding a life of profound trauma, embroiled in international espionage, or engaged in subterfuge; whichever the case, his boundaries are clear only to him, leaving those who maintain a distance to conclude that he is merely shallow or simple minded.

A man who deliberately withholds remains uncommitted to individuals and groups, occupying the loner’s role with ease. Women are intrigued by such men, often drawn to them but, because their intuition picks up all the red flags, are rarely emotionally at ease in their company.


I’m sorry. Were you speaking to me?





…….who are you?


Let’s guess.







ยฉ Ruth Ann Scanzilloย ย ย  12/13/16ย ย ย ย ย  All rights those of the woman who wrote the piece, and whose name appears above this line. Thank you, children.


11 thoughts on “Quiet Men.

  1. I think I got to flatter myself and go for no1, but I have some traits of the other 2 as well – I have to say, I don’t really remember what I first thought of my mother, certainly I’m fascinated by her now, but I couldn’t say wether I always was – I do enjoy allowing women to fully express themselves, doing so can be so alluring, while the self restraint required is not so easy, its worthwhile in such an amazing way! โค

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This one sent yet another WordPresser packing. I suppose it might come across as …arrogant? to…….women? or……talkative men? I don’t know. The whole quiet boy thing came to me, two days ago, inspired by one person in particular – and, then, I found myself realizing that there were the three types, as described. Plus, a not so small part of me wanted to proclaim. I hate it when men think they’ve snookered a woman. Not this old horse.

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      1. Neigh! That’ll never happen! ๐Ÿ™‚ (you snookered I mean)

        No, no one wants to feel snookered, it wouldn’t be at all pleasant would it, why would anyone think its ok, or just the way it is? Not good!

        I did read this before setting off for work, then subsequently thought on about it during the day – I was musing first about how in psychology we are supposed to be objective, and build conclusions on non subjective study, i.e. proven examples and studies which draw upon large groups. I did find when studying psychology (as an extra module) that much of what I believed was clarified and proven, I’m sure your theories here would bear some fruit one way or another.

        Anyhow, another train of thought I was having was about how women operate in our society, and how men do too, and how it could all be so different, and how hard it is to instigate change – when you offer someone freedom from a situation outside of which no new system yet exists, no one really knows how to react, only the foundations can be laid down I guess? Its all so easy, yet so complex and difficult!

        I can’t recall everything I was thinking about just now, things gt very busy shopping for xmas cards, filling them all out, doing dinner, eating the stuff and now just worn out!! XX

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        1. Yes, so true, about offering freedom to act outside of a system for which no replacement (as a system) exists……Since “retiring” from public education, I’ve been really grateful for endless hours of open ruminating. Perhaps this has led to personal enlightenment; perhaps just muddled, whacked out thinking. Whichever, I have, in all candor, wondered. Happiness, by Design. was borne of this, and fairly early on, I think in 2012?…..largely influenced by TV shows (Big Love; Sister Wives: My Five Wives…..) Most Americans had no idea that there are entire populations of polygamous sects in the Southwest, and not just the extremists under Warren Jeffs….naturally, all variations from within a theme…..but, that is just one aspect, pairing up in multiples. What if the situation were reversed? I know, without a moment’s hesitation, that I would be game; just the thought of cohabiting exclusively with any one man whom I know and love (or, have loved, or still love) immediately brings to mind the merits of another!

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          1. p.s. I remember my own mother, in the months just prior to her terminal diagnosis when none of us including her even knew she was sick, saying to me: “Your problem, is you’ve been with too many men.” She, of course, meant that I was, in various stages of intimacy, known by and to several, and had been in love many times, and had been across the spectrum of personality types, and that was why she thought my marriage was foundering. My marriage was foundering because my husband had never, for a moment, deeply loved me, and I knew it; more than once prior had I been in deeply, mutually loving relationships, even if they’d only lasted a couple years. I knew the difference.

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          2. There’s a woman I know on my FB list who has 2 husbands! ๐Ÿ™‚ Good for her!

            I often thought if I was hugely rich, I’d buy a mansion and fill it with my favourite women, and only then would I live happily ever after! I’m probably just being nerdy, just that so many I meet, I’d love to have them stick around, but they don’t, they don’t have the vary-focal ability which I seem to be blessed with!

            On a side note, I been watching the TV series “The Blacklist” with James Spader, was that the show you were talking about a while ago? I have been enjoying this since I found it recently ๐Ÿ™‚

            I would probably polyagamy with you – I think you are so sweet, I’d be on my best behaviour โค

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            1. How funn-nny! Is polygamy legal in the UK?! Do you know where she’s from? Yes; The Blacklist. It’s a great Dick Tracey romp! Season resumes Jan 5, under a new, spin off name. I wonder how shocked my little brother is, reading all this; he commented, a while back, you know. I’ve always said: Bible says a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh – but, ain’t nothin’ said about how many! Sad that women can’t enjoy the same privilege; those patriarchals have it made.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. Yes, thats what I thought, (Dick Tracey) It reminds me of well made throw away detective stuff from the past, great fun ๐Ÿ™‚

                I don’t think polygamy is legal here, unless its a religion, the woman I’m talking about is a photographer, and very good at self publicity, (there were articles about her in the national press) but I don’t think it was just a stunt, my friend (real life) knows her, she tells me she’s married to one of the guys, and the other is what she calls 2nd husband! Not sure how it all works, you know how strangely cool some of these arty types are! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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